If you peeked through my quiet time journals to God over the past six years you’ll find this prayer:
“Give me perpetual brokenheartedness.”
Why, you may ask, would I pray for a broken heart when I should be praying for God to heal my heart?
In short, Psalm 51:17
I discovered this beautiful verse at a time when my heart was broken. I wanted the excruciating pain to go away and for my heart to be mended. Once and for all.
A more in depth look at the meaning of despise, years later brought a whole new perspective for me.
“…a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”
Despise, in Hebrew, means:
to refuse to accept
I could have said this much simpler, but I wanted you to see it as I did. In other words, this broken and contrite heart, is the very thing – the sacrifice – we are to bring to Him. And when we do, He promises He will not despise it. He will not turn it away.
What a beautiful promise and one I so desperately need. The truth is, God should have turned me away.
Praying a prayer like this however, comes at a price. We all know those who go through life with their heads in the sand. Why? Because, “ignorance is bliss,” right? Well, not so fast. God’s word has a lot to say about ignorance and it isn’t pretty.
My heart was suffocating from a lifetime of building walls around it, but I kind of liked the numbness.
Our hearts should feel and be tender but if I am being honest, I don’t always want mine to. In ways, it was easier when my heart was hard. I didn’t feel so much or so deeply.
Ezekiel 11:19 says,
“And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh.”
God did that for me on February 14, 2011 but everyday since I’ve been on guard to keep the stones out.
I write today from this place of raw emotion. Like a wound that burns when air hits it and like a wound, sometimes it needs to be exposed in order to heal.
If you have wounds that burn today may God bring healing in the midst of the pain. Please don’t try to cover it up. Instead, tell it to Jesus…
How do you keep a tender heart before God and others?
With my whole heart,
Posted on: September 7, email@example.com